It stills really unreal. Sometimes I feel like it never happened. Like not the breakup but the fact that we were ever together. When I'm happy I forget that we dated and that I loved him with everything in my body. When I hate my life. like the fact that I have creeps trying to get in my pants again and that fact that I live with my parents do I get mad at him for putting me in this situation.
I don't know who I am without him and I know I need to find out for sure. I'm even doubting school because I went to college for him. Something will happen and I feel like it's me again because I can feel that tiny spark of Caysie Life in them, (im kinda mischeivious) but I still feel like a giant part of me is missing still. I no longer grieve for him, I grieve for me, I don't miss him I miss the closeness that we had. And if I could skip the newness and awkardness with someone and go straight to the comfy closeness I would but life isn't like that. I'm turning twenty. In one year I will be as old as my sister when she had kids, and when she was married and when she was getting married. (I have three sisters) And now I don't even have a boyfriend. I feel like the complete love loser in the family. Don't anyone say I'm still young, yes i get that. but look at my family. I think it's natural to feel like I should have been married by 21. I wish I could spend all day in bed, but I know I have to get on with life
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Dude. You are not the love loser in the family. And I'm not just saying that. I think you should keep going to school. I think you would do really good in the course your taking b/c ur really smart. I know you probably hear this a thousand times, you should try going to church. Maybe something there will help you feel complete. Go to 1st ward(b/c they're nicer)and go with Tony and Tracy. Randy's class is really fun...I wanna go to 1st when I visit this summer..so maybe u can join me? So I have a friend? I love you. And you have no reason to feel to need to 'get on with life'. i think ur doing a great job. and don't ever do something for a guy...that gives him power and ur too special and wonderful to become powerless to a guy. Besides...guys get all cocky and rude when they have power. Pft.
ReplyDeletedude, I'm envious. I would love to be your age and to have the freedom that you have. You can do whatever you want to. You have no ties to anyone, you can just do what you want. That's awesome. Live your life before settling down. You have plenty of time to be a "grownup". Stall it as long as possible. Being a "grownup" sucks.
ReplyDeleteFind yourself. It's scary being lost but once you find yourself, you will be stronger and more independent and know what you stand for and what you don't
Everything happens for a reason lovie.
xo