So I got a cold from a buddy. So I feel like crap. The to make things worse I had a dream about him, so I woke up sad :( In my dream me and his sister were at his house doing who knows what? And he walks in and he has his old goatee back and just generally looks like the old tanner. He looked at me and said "Im falling in love again" My response?
Fuck off and go to hell.
His sisters response?: OMG YOU GUYS CAN GET BACK TOGETHER
Me: No Geena hes not in love with me. I can't think like that or I'll go crazy
Later in the dream I asked tanner about it and he said he was falling in love with me but got back together with the dumb skank.
Oh fooled my twice. ugh I'm so pissed off.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
unreal
It stills really unreal. Sometimes I feel like it never happened. Like not the breakup but the fact that we were ever together. When I'm happy I forget that we dated and that I loved him with everything in my body. When I hate my life. like the fact that I have creeps trying to get in my pants again and that fact that I live with my parents do I get mad at him for putting me in this situation.
I don't know who I am without him and I know I need to find out for sure. I'm even doubting school because I went to college for him. Something will happen and I feel like it's me again because I can feel that tiny spark of Caysie Life in them, (im kinda mischeivious) but I still feel like a giant part of me is missing still. I no longer grieve for him, I grieve for me, I don't miss him I miss the closeness that we had. And if I could skip the newness and awkardness with someone and go straight to the comfy closeness I would but life isn't like that. I'm turning twenty. In one year I will be as old as my sister when she had kids, and when she was married and when she was getting married. (I have three sisters) And now I don't even have a boyfriend. I feel like the complete love loser in the family. Don't anyone say I'm still young, yes i get that. but look at my family. I think it's natural to feel like I should have been married by 21. I wish I could spend all day in bed, but I know I have to get on with life
I don't know who I am without him and I know I need to find out for sure. I'm even doubting school because I went to college for him. Something will happen and I feel like it's me again because I can feel that tiny spark of Caysie Life in them, (im kinda mischeivious) but I still feel like a giant part of me is missing still. I no longer grieve for him, I grieve for me, I don't miss him I miss the closeness that we had. And if I could skip the newness and awkardness with someone and go straight to the comfy closeness I would but life isn't like that. I'm turning twenty. In one year I will be as old as my sister when she had kids, and when she was married and when she was getting married. (I have three sisters) And now I don't even have a boyfriend. I feel like the complete love loser in the family. Don't anyone say I'm still young, yes i get that. but look at my family. I think it's natural to feel like I should have been married by 21. I wish I could spend all day in bed, but I know I have to get on with life
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