Heartbroken

I was in love with someone and he left me for another girl. When he broke up with me, I had already packed my car with essentails because I was tired of crying every night of having dark dark thoughts and of him doing absolutely nothing about it. Literally. I woke him up one morning to tell him that I was having really dark thoughts and he looked at me, got up and left the room. I don't have those thoughts now because now theres no point ending my life for some guy who treated me like that. I'm not some tragic shakespeare female character. For the next couple of days I was a mess, couldn't get out of bed and cried all the time. I was all over the place. The day I found out that he slept with the other girl and they were dating is the day I finally felt put back together. I no longer wanted him back and realized that I deserved much better. Needless to say it felt like every molecule was slammed back together forcefully but hey I was together again. Beatened, and bloodied and bruised and barely breathing, but together. I climbed into the back seat because let's face it all I wanted to do is to run him over for caring so little for the years we shared together. And my friends asked me how I was doing I responded with "Do you know what happens to girls like me? They get married" And I started to laugh and laugh. I felt completely empty. I couldnt eat because I couldn't feel my stomach and I couldn't feel my heart beat. Lately I felt my heart beat for the first time, and with it the intense pain of what could only be a shattered heart. Then I felt as if I got punched in the stomach and it was only a few days ago that I felt my stomach growl with hunger because I eat once a day for two weeks. At least I'm back to my 17year old body. And I'm craving a massive cheeseburger like mad. I'm no where close to being up and running 100% I don't miss people and right now I dont miss him, which is nice, I just miss the closeness we had, well what I thought we had. Let's face it, I'm ready to settle down. But to do that I have to find myself first. When you are in a relationship you chisle yourself away to make room for them, so you like what they like and dislike what they dislike and when they are gone you are left with this huge hole where they were, and you need to fill it up with yourself, Two and a half years of chisling away leaves a pretty big hole so every so often I decide if the things I loved for two and a half years was Me or Him. Its slow but I also have super awesome friends that I'm with whenever possible. I don't like being a loose cannon, with nothing holding me down in one spot, it makes me feel all over the place, and unlike some people I'm super loyal. Happiness is different. Single happiness is a light free feelings, and relationship happiness is a heavy stable feeling. Right now before I can fall back to earth I need to learn to control my light freedom withou making a mess....Oh the facebook relationship thing that says "Its complicated" should really be "I'm complicated"